Being on a remote island in Indonesia feels in many ways like a journey back in time. The locals live a simple life, have simple houses, have many children. Right now we have no electricity, it may last a few hours or more, I have not turned on our generator yet. The internet drops too, and there is no signal on my phone, it is actually quite nice. Right now no one can reach me, I am completely cut off from the outside world, it gives a sense of calm.
Island life has in many ways become a symbol of the family life we want to live.
I have been alone with the children for 2 months while my husband has been out sailing. When he left, I could see the doubt in him, it is difficult for him to leave, there is no doubt that our family is the most important thing to him, and that everything else comes second, but sailing is also a dream and a unique opportunity, he knows that, and with my support he went for it.
While my husband has been sailing, I have been a full time mother, cooked lots of food, read more books than I can count, swum in the ocean with my children, we have laughed, played, we have learned about numbers, they have cried, thought I was unfair, but all in all I have truly enjoyed it, they are what really matters, the ones I want to spend my precious time with.
We homeschool, so there is no school we have to rush to get ready for, no lunchboxes to prepare, no children to pick up. Instead, the whole day has simply unfolded, the children express when they are hungry, I work a bit here and there, have scheduled meetings in the evenings when the children sleep, and turned down everything that was not truly necessary work wise, and I have loved it.
I pinch myself while I look at my children, how did I get that lucky? Look at this life we have created, I am proud, not least that we dared to create the life we dreamed of, but also that my children are truly wonderful little human beings, who already move through life with care and thoughtfulness for others. They are not the children who sit the nicest at the dinner table, or always do what their parents say, but they have something else, a core that is warm and open, I want to protect that core, and my most important job is that they should not be forced into a box, they should be and move through life in the way they feel is right for them.
My dear husband is now back again, time flew by, and I am proud of both him and myself, and that we made everything come together. I am proud that he left and had that experience, but also proud of myself for how well things have gone at home. But it should not sound like everything has just been fun and easy, and now we also need to find our shared routines again, dad does not know that Maja now ONLY eats from the green plate, and that Matteo always wants 5 cashews and the tall "adult" glass. Yes, some things have changed in 2 months, but otherwise most things are as they used to be. But most of all it is wonderful to be back together again.
I feel really happy. I know that can seem provoking for some to hear, who am I to walk around being happy. I know that many of the choices we have made in life can seem confronting to others, maybe it is a mirror for themselves, maybe their values are different from mine. It does not affect me when it is strangers who have opinions about the way we have chosen to live our life, but I would be lying if I said it does not affect me when it once in a while is close relations like friends or family who question our life choices. It was harder in the beginning, I doubted whether what we were doing was the right decision, and sometimes I also ended up trying to adjust a bit, so it was more within the norm. But it did not take long before I realised that then we were not living in line with our own values, because that is exactly the essence, the core of what we do, to live a life that is in line with our values as a family. I think that is something many people struggle with, and I truly understand that. We have so many expectations we feel we have to live up to, so many distractions around us, that we sometimes lose connection to it. I often ask myself the question, are my values in line with the decisions we make?
When you are on an island where not much happens, it is much easier for me to feel, I do not care that my dress has small holes, that I have not brushed my hair for a few days, and that my children run around with their t shirts inside out, it is all irrelevant. But as soon as we leave here, those things begin to fill my awareness in a completely different way. Suddenly I want to buy a new dress, and my children's clothes need to sit right, suddenly I think more about what others think. Until I remind myself what really matters. For us, time, freedom, presence and adventure are especially the words that describe what our values are right now.
But maybe it is also very much the contrasts in our unconventional family life that make us appreciate what we have. Just like you only truly appreciate sleeping a full night uninterrupted when your baby finally sleeps through. Just like I only truly appreciate the warmth of the sun after feeling the cold. And in the same way, appreciate the cold and the coziness of winter evenings in Denmark after feeling the sun.
Our family life is at this moment structured in a way where we have 3 bases, Bali, Denmark and here on the island. 3 different kinds of lives and routines, but all of them feel like home. In a way, we live a bit like nomads, which is actually a bit misunderstood today, as it often refers to travellers who constantly move from one new place to another new place. But nomads actually had a few bases they moved between depending on the season, it is very much like us.
The quiet island life might give cabin fever if we did not have breaks from it and the luxury of going to a supermarket or a playground. Many would probably dream themselves to where we are right now, but at the moment I dream of Denmark and a slow morning with homemade bread and chocolate spread, with family visiting and spending time with the children. Thankfully we will have that soon, and I long for it.
